Us
by indulgence in life
Summary: Will had thought it would be easy. JemWillTessa.


**For Jess (autumn midnights)**

…oOo…

Will had thought it would be easy. Keeping people out had been something he had been doing for years until it was something little less than second nature. He didn't want to see them dead after learning to care for them, because Will knew that was what would happen in the end.

Blood. Death. Pain.

Those three things had followed him since he had run from his home. They served as reminders for the things he knew that he would never have. It instilled the idea that he didn't care into the beliefs of everyone around him, something he was thankful for, or everything would be a lot more difficult than it already was.

Will wished that he could convince _himself_ that he truly didn't care, because it was surprisingly easy to convince other people of something he didn't believe in.

….oOo…

Parabatai.

Will risked a glance at the black-haired boy next to him. He had never thought that he would find one, even the idea of it had seemed surreal. Will didn't even think he deserved such an honour, not after how he had treated everyone since arriving at the Institute.

And yet… yet, Jem had been willing, perhaps even eager, to be his Parabatai. Only death would part them now, and Will would have to learn to rely on someone else for once.

It was going to be awful, Will knew it, and Jem would eventually hate him, regretting their Parabatai bond when he realised the curse that Will carried. Will couldn't see a possible way where Jem _wouldn't_ find out, and if he didn't Will would be obligated to tell him anyway.

It would probably be safer if he did tell Jem. Jem would know to take better care of himself then, even if Wil knew that his curse would have it otherwise.

…oOo…

Jem was dying already.

Will snorted to himself. What were the chances?

A silver drug that would eventually take his Parabatai from him, yet it was the only thing that was keeping Jem alive. Die with it, die without it, the only difference being how long it would take for death to come. His Parabatai already had an expiration date, even before he had met Will, but Will couldn't help but blame himself just a little bit.

It was selfish for him to want Jem here, but he did. Jem didn't judge, he didn't expect anything from Will. And Will was secretly glad for everything that had led Jem to arrive at the London Institute.

Will liked to think that Jem was glad too.

…oOo…

Jem's black hair had already begun to streak silver.

Will didn't know what he had expected, but he hadn't expected to face the reality so soon. It had only been a few months since Jem had told him about the drug and he could already see the effects. Will didn't know if it was because he didn't really believe Jem, or if he had simply believed it to be something that would only happen in a long distant future, perhaps around the age of Charlotte and Henry, but they were barely teenagers now.

They were supposed to have their entire lives before them, or as much of their lives as they had as Shadowhunters.

It was just a couple of strands, but Will knew that the number would only grow as Jem's condition worsened.

Just as his own reliance on Jem grew.

…oOo…

Jem's hair was nearly completely silver now. Only lonely strands of black remained from Jem's originally dark hair.

Little else had changed. They still fought together, laughed together, and trained together. They still had each other no matter what, but Will nurtured a feeling of helplessness.

There was no way for him to help the one person he was supposed to live and die with. Jem was weakening, tiring more easily than he had ever done before. There was less that Jem could do without taking more of the Yin Fen that was killing him, and Will didn't want Jem to push himself to his limit for Will.

Will knew he wasn't worth it.

But Jem clearly believed he was, and continued to try and keep up to everything he had done with Will before. And Will appreciated it, he really did, but he wished that Jem wouldn't try so hard.

Perhaps Will could be selfish for just a little longer then.

…oOo…

All Tessa Gray had brought was conflict.

Between the Shadowhunters and Downlanders, not that it was something new.

Between Jem and Will.

And, perhaps more importantly, within Will himself.

It had always been Will and Jem, Jem and Will, and that was how it was always supposed to be. Will had never wanted that to change, he had never believed that it could.

Tessa was simply a third party that wasn't supposed to be there. She wasn't supposed to walk into their lives and create the absolute chaos that she had. It was ridiculous, but even Jem was enamoured, Will knew it. Will couldn't say that he was unaffected by her either.

Tessa would have to be like everyone else, though. His curse would come back if he got close to her, Will knew it even if Jem tried to convince him otherwise.

It was just Will and Jem, that's how it would stay.

…oOo…

Tessa was dead, Will was sure of it.

No one and nothing could lose that much blood and survive it, not even the demons could survive that, and they survived a lot, Will would know.

Mortmain had gotten away, but Will couldn't bring himself to care. This was his fault, his curse had fallen on Tessa because he had begun to care for her, just as Jem had. Will knew he should have stopped himself, stopped those feelings, but everything he had done had only failed just like trying to keep Jem out had.

It was impossible.

Will could feel Jem's hand on his shoulder, when Tessa stirred, coughing. The bloodstain on her shirt becoming nothing more than a bloodstain.

He could feel Jem's hand tightening slightly on his shoulder, relief filling both of them.

Tessa was… alive?

…oOo…

The curse had been nothing more than a lie.

Will had lived his entire life believing in a lie, and he couldn't believe he had been so foolish. He had pushed everyone away because he had believed in the words of a demon.

And, yet, Will had always prided himself in never trusting them.

He had rushed back to the Institute, eager to share his new-found knowledge, with the certainty that he wouldn't be harming anyone by caring for them. A weight Will didn't know he had been carrying had been lifted off his shoulders, and the relief made him feel like he could be walking on air.

Until Will was brought crashing down seeing Jem on one knee before Tessa.

Will hadn't thought Jem would move that fast, he hadn't thought that Jem's feelings were that strong. He was too late.

Jem reached him before Will was able to leave as he intended. Will saw Tessa's shocked eyes, and noticed her glance towards Jem, one that Jem met. The look that passed between them was undecipherable, but resulted in Tessa approaching both of them.

Will didn't want to know about it. It was obvious what was going on between the two of them. He didn't need their explanations, he didn't need anything from either of them.

First Tessa's arms wrapped around him, followed by Jem's and Will couldn't contain his surprise as he sent a questioning glance towards Jem.

"Since you were being stubborn, I took the liberty to ask for us. Tessa accepted."

And that one word rung through Will's mind.

Us.


End file.
